‘Great sex’ can be a multitude of things, but too often we see having ‘great sex’ with someone as something erotic and kinky with whips and chains as opposed to sensual and moving. Allow me to explain, since the release of 50 Shades of Grey, women and men have been bombarded with unrealistic expectations of how they should perform in the bedroom. Sure, reading the pages filled with whips, chains, and ball gags being used in steamy sex scenes made us all a little hot under the collar, but has anyone really tried it? Well I have and allow me to give you a glimpse into what it really feels like for us women.
I was seeing a man that I will forever refer to as my version of Christian Grey. He was wealthy, possessive, and the kinkiest man I’ve ever met. After our first brunch, he took me to a high end fetish store. As I walked in and took all the images of BDSM staring back at me, I couldn’t help but get a little excited about what was about to go down. The smell of leather in various clothes, toys, and accessories was overwhelming. There were whips, paddles, chains, ropes, ball gages, and even nipple clamps! YIKES! I didn’t know what to expect! It turned out that every and anything I turned my attention to was being carefully placed near the register, getting ready to be wrapped and packed. A couple of hundreds of dollars later, we were off on our merry way unsure of what I was able to experience.
Over the course of eight months, I had the wildest, craziest, kinkiest sex of my entire life, but the rush from it all made me ignore all the things I didn’t like about constantly having “freaky sex”.
-First, I hated the smell of leather! Wearing a leather blindfold made my makeup run that I worked so hard on!
-The leather straps on the ball gag always made my hair smell funny afterwards! Yuck!
-Speaking of ball gags…That thing always tasted like silicone, no matter how many times I washed and disinfected!
-The rope that tied my breasts always hurt after five minutes into it. It’s hard to breathe when you’re tied up and being man handled! Why don’t guys understand this!?
– The whips were either too hard or too soft. Nobody likes the feeling of a riding crop on their bare bottom! Not even horses! That shit hurts! And if you’re going to spank me with a leather paddle that cost $300, at least buy leather in the form of a handbag, so I can put it to good use afterwards!
-Finally, handcuffs without the fluffy protector are only meant for real arrests. Those things hurt like hell and should be left to the professionals like Police Officers.
After rope burn and a sore bottom, I always looked forward to a hot shower. Looking back, I guess I was metaphorically washing away all that happened minutes prior. Many of you may be wondering why there was no cuddling or spooning afterwards, so allow me to put it into perspective for you. Why would anyone want to hug the man that just hurt your bare bottom and made you smell like a leather factory? As humans we can’t turn our emotions on and off like a light switch, so why would I expect him to all of a sudden become a loving and gentle creature when only minutes prior, he was dominating and ruthless?
People always say, ‘don’t knock it til you try it’! Well I have and it’s something that should be done in moderation, which brings me back to my thought of what it means to have ‘great sex’. Great sex in my opinion is something that has a little bit of naughty and a little bit of nice. 😉